Self Struggle & Growth: Self Abuse VS Taking Care Of Yourself

To this day, I really DO NOT understand why people can't understand this, but I mean REALLY GETTING IT. You can say it in words, and they'll even nod their heads and say things like "yeah, well you need to take care of yourself. A car can't run well if it isn't maintained." Or, "If you don't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?" They'll even say they'd never abuse people, or let the things that had already happen to me, only to turn around and end up being that bully themselves to me.

It's been a VERY hard lesson, that I'm NOT 19 anymore, and that I'm getting older, and therefore I cannot do things like I used to do them.... but, also the realization that those things were abusive, but also people whom were hard on me thinking they were "tough love" types were actually just bullies, sadists, narcissists, and the like.... There's a reason why governments came up with break times, vacations, why unions originally sprang up, and why labor laws came about.

Yet, somehow, I ended up in a similar predicament, and allowing it to somewhat go on as such.... when you've been abused by other, or even abusive to yourself for work, or whatever reason it is, there's a reason why stress happens. It means STOP DOING THIS. Stress is very harmful to your body, your health, etc.

I would like to give a few examples of some creative persons whom had made some very apropos videos relating to this topic:

And, this is the BEST ONE! 
The #1 artist I was most inspired by since I was a child was Glen Keane. I saw Disney's Oliver & Company starring Billy Joel, and we had the Disney Chanel which aired a special about The Making of Oliver & Company  which showed video of Glen, and other animators doing paper animation. Immediately I went to my dad's huge home made light box made for drafting and started drawing my horses (since I always drew horse, ponies, and unicorns) using tape, and pencils, trying to make the horses dance. I think I was about 9 years old. Following Oliver Disney later released The Little Mermaid following that which was a smash hit, and when I'd found out that Glen was they supervising animator of Ariel, I was madly hungry for anything I could find about him, but there was almost nothing, and no internet (at least the version we know today).

I'm such a baby whenever I watch stuff with Glen Keane, and I often start crying. When he talks about art, being an artist, and even being a parent, or about the human experience, it just makes me love him more.

I don't think it's right to harm yourself for a cause. If it's stressful, you've tried your best, and it's not getting anywhere, something has to give.

I actually created a film last year, attempting and trying to express my dismay over not sure which direction to go, what to do, and how to get there. In Dao De Jing (Tao Te Ching) and Taoism there's ideas of "cultivating The Way", or "getting to the door", or "You're at the door, but you need to pass through it." Sometimes, it was like I couldn't see any doors at all, or if I did, they were shut.

Hintegedanke is German and means a thought or idea somewhere in the back of your mind.... these thoughts in the back of your mind, or Hintergedanken, means actually on some level you actually know, or knew, more than you thought you did, and it was inside of you, that actually some part of you does know what to do, but you're just not aware of it, can't see it, or don't recognize it, and possibly in self denial. I've had a number of unusual experiences, and also really scary ones, and often had to make choices, when everything else was going in completely different directions.

You need to stay in The Flow, and Flow with the current because in the end the current always wins. But, it might be, also, that the flow you are in is NOT the same as everyone else.

This was my Film:

The truth is beating yourself up is very bad. It's abuse. If I'd treated other the way I treated myself, at a number of points in the past, that would mean I was a bad person.

So, what does this mean? Don't I love myself? Then, why submit myself to such harsh things? And, WHY do I pursue the approvals of those that will never approve of the real me anyway? If I give up me, I'm not me, but something fake.

I don't want anyone else to do that either. Competitiveness is NOT a virtue, it's a VICE. It's NOT something to admire, not something to look up to. The Rat Race is not even a sustainable reality. Those whom get thrust into a life of always being on the edge of "the fast paced life" always crash at some point, or end up doing harmful things because their mind is suffering inside by living so unnaturally.

I want to keep my humanity. I don't want to be a martyr. And, I want that for everyone else also.